I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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