Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
