I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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