If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
