Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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