my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize