i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
