He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
The air was thick with penises
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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