trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
