did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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