Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
