Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
