im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
