i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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