11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
