The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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