Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
