the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
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