1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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