my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
When are your genitals available?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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