why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Randomize
