i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
