Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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