I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
tonight lets celebrate not being married
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
