This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
