my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
