This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
