is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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