what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
