how can u be prego again
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
