so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
how drunk are you?
Several
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
