she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
