someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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