So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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