while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
