the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
