the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize