i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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