I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize