Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
