Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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