I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
