But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I am in a vortex of obligation.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
