My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize