Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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