He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
