So drunk its hurt
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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