he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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