There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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