Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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