apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
