Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
pray to the hookup gods
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
