We need to rekindle our bromance
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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