ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
