Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
