i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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