I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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