whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
