I think im going to throw up on grandma
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
