I need help removing her.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
