guys are not supposed to queef...right?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just googled if crying burns calories
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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