I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
