I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
