having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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