Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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