lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize