I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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