dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
