nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
