i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
