i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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