4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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