You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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