I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
