Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
