the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize