girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
