im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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